i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
