I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
