please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
