I'm gonna have a badass scar
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my being single is dangerous.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
