omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
