My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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