In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
