I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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