ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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