six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
