i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
