just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
