I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
