Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
