explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
