i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
