I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
