guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
