i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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