watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
