He is an equal opportunity slut.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
