apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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