i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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