vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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