he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
