Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
