he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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