11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
