Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
