He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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