would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
