i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
