So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
