It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
