i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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