can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
