I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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