I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
