Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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