There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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