if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
