Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
