I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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