Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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