ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
