Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
