She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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