Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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