I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I could fuck to npr.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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