My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
