I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
